


The Birds and the Blades

by robotortoise



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Comedy, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Poppi QTπ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotortoise/pseuds/robotortoise
Summary: Poppi α wants to know where babies come from. Pyra, however, does not want to tell her the truth.Unfortunately for Pyra, Poppi doesn't give up very easily.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	The Birds and the Blades

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PT_Piranha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PT_Piranha/gifts).



Rex, Pyra, and their other team members were fighting a Krabble on the Argentum Salvaging Deck.

“Anchor shot!” Rex shouted. He threw his grappling hook at the Krabble and yanked it backwards quickly, causing a health potion to pop out from the Krabble. Zeke hit it with a slash of his sword, and then the Krabble ceased moving.

“Well,” said Nia, putting away her twin rings and holstering them. “That was unexpectedly easy.”

“Indeed,” Zeke murmured. He and Pandoria sheathed their weapons as well. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Rex, but how much more waiting do we have to do? We’ve been stalling at this pier all day.”

“Oh, probably two or three more salvaging sessions will do it,” said Rex. He scratched the back of his neck. “Is that okay with everyone? That Core Crystal from Kassa has got to be good if it costs that much!”

“Either that or we’re about to get swindled,” added Brighid. “Be wary of deception when making an exorbitant deal like that.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Mythra said. “Pyra and I already asked the local townsfolk. Kassa sticks to his word. If he says it’s worth five-hundred thousand, then it is.” She frowned. “Unless the townsfolk are in on it, too…”

“And besides,” said Pandoria, “if he doesn’t, Zeke and I can give him the ‘ol Eye of Shining Justice!” She grinned and looked hopefully to Zeke.

“Yeah!” Zeke said. “That bastard will never see it coming!”

Mòrag glared at Zeke.

“If, uh, Kassa doesn’t fulfill his end of the bargain,” he added.

Mòrag nodded approvingly.

“Great!” said Rex. He clapped his hands together. “Well, time to jump into the Cloud Sea. See you guys!”

Brighid raised her hand out. “Rex, wait just a moment!”

“ _Ha!_ ” Rex jumped off the wooden plank and fell below into the Cloud Sea.

“Annnd he’s gone,” Zeke muttered blithely.

“Lovely,” Brighid said blithely. “So we’re to wait here in Argentum until he gets back in five hours.”

“Sometimes Rex-Rex take up to seven hours!” Poppi α added cheerfully.

“Fantastic,” Mòrag said. She sighed and crossed her arms. “How are we going to kill all this spare time now?”

“We could go shopping in Argentum,” suggested Pandoria. She sighed quietly. “Again.”

“What, and we can see the glittering rock stand for the fourth time?” asked Zeke. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

“You know,” Gramps said slowly. “We _are_ mostly comprised of adults. The restaurant on the third floor of Argentum also sells drink.”

“That’s… not actually too bad of an idea,” Dromarch said. “I haven’t had drink in quite some time.”

“Oh!” Tora said. “Tora would very much like to drink booze!”

“Tora,” said Brighid, narrowing her eyes, glaring at Tora. “How old _are_ you?”

“In Nopon culture, Tora old enough to drink!”

Brighid glared harder at Tora. Despite her eyes appearing to be closed, it was an intense enough glare that Tora took a step back.

“Um…”

“Poppi,” Zeke said, turning to face the artificial blade. “How old do Nopon have to be to drink alcohol?”

Tora’s eyes widened. “Poppi, don’t-”

“Nopon culture requires Nopon to be at least ten years old to consume alcohol,” Poppi helpfully added.

“Thanks, Poppi,” Tora mumbled, his tone galled.

“Masterpon is most welcome!” Poppi said cheerfully.

“Meh meh,” he replied.

“Well, that settles that,” said Gramps. “Come now. Are we going to wait all day, or are we going to party?”

“I don’t really want to do much ‘partying’, but I would very much enjoy a few drinks while we wait for Rex to return,” Mòrag said.

Gramps sighed. “Come now. Can we not at least _pretend_ that we’re doing this willingly?”

“No,” said Mythra. “This is entirely Rex’s fault. That Core Crystal had better be worth it.”

Mòrag nodded. “Agreed.”

* * *

Nia, Tora, Mythra, Mòrag, Zeke, Poppi, Brighid, and Pandoria sat at a round table, drinks and food in front of each of them.

Tora, Poppi, and Gramps, meanwhile, had been propped up to sit at eye level with the others via the use of storage boxes that the restaurant had specifically reserved for Nopon, human children, and non-humanoid Blades.

Dromarch was contentedly eating his meal via pet bowls the restaurant had provided. “This would be humiliating if this food did not taste so scrumptious,” he said as he happily tore into the soft flesh of Krabble meat.

“Well, what was the eatery supposed to do?” Nia asked. “I don’t suppose you want a bib.”

“Actually,” Dromarch said, “that would be much appreciated. My white fur stains quite easily, you know.”

“Fine,” Nia said. “I’ll ask the waiter for a bib, you big baby.”

Meanwhile, Zeke, who was sandwiched in-between a seated Mòrag and Pandoria, was looking slyly over at Mythra. “Hey, Mòrag,” he said. “How long do you think it’s going to take?” He nodded over at Mythra.

Mòrag looked at Zeke, raising an eyebrow pointedly. “How long is what going to take?”

“Until… You know. Until the Aegis and her driver do it.”

“Ah,” said Mòrag. She raised her half-full glass of whiskey to her mouth and finished it in an instant.

Zeke raised an eyebrow. “Impressive.”

Mòrag slammed the glass onto the table, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “It’s not my place to talk about the romantic inclinations of others. Especially teenagers.”

“But…” Zeke motioned for Mòrag to continue.

She sighed. “I think Rex and Pyra are both attracted to one other, but Rex is not cognizant enough to notice her infatuation. He’s only a kid, after all. I know I wasn’t aware when others liked me at that age.”

“’Others’ as in, boys?” Pandoria asked.

Mòrag ignored Pandoria’s question. “I think Rex will say something when he’s ready. There’s no doubt if either of them is interested in the other. The boy’s just… How do I phrase this nicely?”

“Dense?” Pandoria helpfully offered.

“Yes, that’s more what I was looking for,” said Mòrag. “Rex is dense on this matter. Skilled in combat, of course, but I don’t think he’d know a girl was interested in him even if she told him to his face.”

Zeke nodded sagely. “I can see that.”

“Just to be clear here,” said Pandoria, “we’re talking about when Rex will ask Pyra out, right? Not when he’s going to ‘make babies’ with her?”

“Hm?’” asked Mòrag. “No, I think Rex is much too young for that.”

“No, it’s an expression!” said Pandoria. “It means that he’s going to-”

“What the _hell_ are you guys talking about me and Rex doing?” asked Mythra’s shrill voice suddenly.

Mòrag, Zeke, and Pandoria instantly shut up.

Everyone else at the table stopped their individual conversations and turned to look at Mythra, then Zeke and Mòrag.

“What?” Zeke asked quickly. “How did you…” He paused, reconsidering his word choice. “You and Rex? What _are_ you on about?” He feigned a confused look just to sell the bit.

Mythra was not buying it.

“Don’t play coy,” said Mythra. “I know you were talking about me and Rex.”

“No!” Pandoria said quickly. “We were talking about Pyra and Rex! Don’t get the wrong idea – you weren’t involved!”

“Thanks, Pandy.” Zeke sighed.

“That doesn’t make it any better!” Mythra snapped. “Why were you talking about me behind my back?”

“How did you even hear us?” asked Zeke. “We’re a good four meters apart from you and we were whispering! Is this another one of your Aegis powers?”

“No, Azurda told me,” Mythra said, pointing to the baby Titan.

“What?” asked Gramps. “I can’t help it if my larval form has excellent hearing.”

“You could have very well refrained from telling her,” Mòrag said.

“Sure,” he said, “but where’s the fun in that? I do love a good group gossip!”

Pandoria buried her head into her hands. “Oh, this is going to end badly.”

“Dammit,” said Zeke.

In an instant, Pyra appeared in Mythra’s place, her hands on her hips. She gasped, her eyes widening. “Wow. I feel funny. Is this what being inebriated feels like?”

“You had one drink,” said Nia.

“One _strong_ drink,” countered Dromarch.

“Why were you three talking about that?” asked Pyra. “Do you really think Rex and I want to, er…”

“Make babies,” Gramps added helpfully.

“You are _not_ making it better!” exclaimed Zeke. He sighed. “And no, not exactly. It was just a bit of fun talk. We didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Right,” Mòrag said. “We were just making conversation, and we’re sorry.”

Pyra nodded. “Thank you.”

After a few moments of awkward silence, someone unexpected piped up.

“What Zeke mean by ‘make babies?’” asked Poppi. She tilted her head.

Instantly, the atmosphere at the table became tense.

“…Meh?” Tora asked. “What Poppi mean by 'make babies?’”

“Zeke said Rex-Rex and Pyra were ‘making babies.’ How does baby get made?”

“Eep,” was Tora’s only response. He quieted and mangled his wings together, a look of worry permeating his face.

“That not answer question,” Poppi said. She looked at Tora, frowned, and then turned to Zeke. “Zeke, Masterpon not answering Poppi. How does Driver make baby?”

“Oh, would you look at the time!” Zeke said quickly. “It seems like it’s time for me to use the bathroom!”

Mòrag and Pandoria glared at Zeke.

“Err…” He scratched the back of his head. “Time for me and Mòrag and Pandy to use the bathroom. Together. See you all later!”

Pandoria, Zeke, and Mòrag quickly stood up. All three of them made a mad dash to the inn where they were spending the night.

Poppi frowned and looked to Pyra. “Pyra, how can you make baby?”

Had Pyra been drinking fluid, she would have spit it out immediately. Fortunately for the varnished table she was eating her meal on, she had not been drinking. “ _What?!_ ” Pyra shrieked.

“Poppi want to know how Pyra make baby!” Poppi cheerfully clarified.

“Uh," Pyra said eloquently. She closed her eyes and inhaled, trying to think of the best way to handle this. “Nia, do you-”

“Nia and others gone,” said Poppi.

Pyra’s eyes quickly opened. “What?” She scanned the table – not another person was to be seen. Even Tora and the waiter had dipped, leaving Poppi alone with Pyra.

“Uh…” Pyra swallowed the newly formed lump in her throat. “Mythra, can you…-?”

 _Not a chance,_ was Mythra’s curt response in Pyra’s head.

Pyra decided to try another approach and so she smiled calmly at Poppi. “We’ll tell you when you’re older. A child shouldn’t be told those types of things.”

“Ah, Poppi thinks she understands,” was Poppi’s response.

Grinning, Pyra said, “I’m glad to hear that, Poppi. Now, let’s see where Tora ran off-”

A sudden flash of light caused Pyra to instinctively shield her eyes. When she opened them again, Poppi α was no longer a child – rather, she was instead in her QTπ form.

Her incredibly revealing, adult, curvaceous, QTπ form.

“ _Shit_ ,” said Pyra quietly.

Poppi QTπ stared at Pyra inquisitively, with the more refined and subtle mannerisms of an adult instead of a child.

This, without a doubt, made the situation more uncomfortable by a very large degree.

“Poppi is adult now,” Poppi said, and it was not said with the innocence of a child. Instead, it was said with an adult’s inflection and much more resonant voice. “How are babies made? Will you tell Poppi? Poppi QTπ mode retains same data banks as Poppi in α form, so knowledge is same even if appearance different."

Pyra couldn’t say anything insightful, only staring dumbly at Poppi. She couldn’t find any words that wouldn’t make the situation ten times worse than it already was.

Poppi QTπ frowned. “Perhaps it would be easier to show Poppi?” She reached for Pyra’s hand.

Pyra yelped as Poppi’s hand touched hers. Poppi’s hand was warm, not cold and mechanical as she’d expected, but that didn’t make the situation any less uncomfortable.

“This is so much worse than it was thirty seconds ago,” Pyra said sullenly.

Frowning, Poppi tilted her head the other direction. “Is Pyra uncomfortable? Did Poppi say something wrong?”

Pyra shook her head. “No, no!” She paused, thinking about it. “Well… Yes, actually. But it’s not your fault.”

“Oh.” Poppi frowned. “Who is at fault?”

Just then, a familiar voice piped up. “Hey, Pyra! Where did everybody go?”

“Rex!” Pyra cried, practically jumping out of her chair. She ran up to him, wrapping her arms around him in a strong embrace.

“Oh, wow…” Rex said, his face turning flush the moment Pyra’s arms touched him. “I didn’t know you missed me so much!”

Rex had saved her many times before, of course, but this was the most elated she’d been for him to save her yet.

“Yes! Rex!” Pyra said, unwrapping him from her grip and grabbing him by the hand, quickly pulling him to the table. “You must be famished from salvaging all day! Here, sit down! Have a bite!”

Rex stared at the deserted table in front of him. Many meals were still half-finished. “…Are we sitting at someone else’s table?” he asked, puzzled.

“No,” Pyra shook her head. “This is our table.”

Frowning, Rex raised one of the plates and stared at it. “This Piranhax is half-eaten. What happened here?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that!” said Pyra, grabbing the plate from Rex and putting it back on the table. For a moment, their fingers made contact, and Rex and Pyra’s faces both reddened.

“Sorry,” both said, laughing awkwardly.

“Pyra and Rex-Rex are in process of making babies right now?” Poppi asked suddenly.

Rex and Pyra quickly turned to stare at Poppi QTπ, both of their cheeks reddening.

“Huh?!” cried Rex. “What the hell kind of question is that?”

Poppi pursed her lips. “Poppi just asking. Pyra telling Poppi how Rex-Rex make babies.”

Rex turned to stare at Pyra instead. “You were doing _what_?”

“Rex, I can explain,” said Pyra.

Rex stared at her and raised an eyebrow.

Pyra coughed.

“Well?” asked Rex. “Out with it! It’s not often a Driver gets to hear his Blade tell him how she’s explaining sex to an Artificial Blade.”

“Sex…” Poppi said quietly, pursing her lips. “Fascinating. This new data seems to suggest ‘making babies’ is synonym for ‘sex.’” She nodded. “Rex-Rex, what is sex?”

Pyra grabbed Rex’s arm. “Rex, can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked, an urgency in her tone.

Rex blinked. “Sure, but why-”

“We’ll be just a moment, Poppi,” Pyra said, grabbing Rex’s hand and yanking him towards the inn. She paused, looking in the direction of Poppi. “We’ll be back in a bit. Don’t move or follow us.”

Poppi nodded. “Okay!”

Rex followed Pyra to the inn entrance. Rex was, to put it succinctly, very confused at the current predicament he had found himself in. Once they were out of earshot and couldn’t see Poppi anymore, Rex spoke up.

“What the hell was that all about, then?” he asked. “Poppi was asking about us…” He trailed off, and his cheeks turned flush. “Y-you know. Why was she talking about that?”

Pyra winced. “We may have had a tiny bit to drink while you were out salvaging.”

“Drink?” asked Rex. “Like, alcohol?”

Nodding, Pyra said, “We were looking for a productive way to kill time while you were salvaging and found none, so we decided to do that instead.” She paused. “Not that I drank anything. Mythra was at fault for that.”

Suddenly, Pyra shined white, Mythra appearing in her place.

“But Pyra felt the effects of the drink,” Mythra said. “Because we’re both linked, we can both feel it in us. Apparently.” She crossed her arms. “Zeke, Pandoria, and Mòrag started it, though. They were talking smack about us and Poppi overhead them.”

Mythra sparkled with light and then Pyra re-appeared, smiling at Rex bashfully. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know it would get this weird.”

Rex cradled his head with his hands. “Now I know why I felt funny while salvaging, I guess. The drink must have affected me, too.”

Pyra’s smile died. “Well. I suppose I’m never doing that again.”

“It’s fine. Water under the bridge. But why is Poppi…” Rex peered to the side of the inn, seeing Poppi QTπ.

Poppi waved at Rex enthusiastically. Rex reluctantly smiled and waved back. Turning to face Pyra, he raised an eyebrow.

“And what in the world is going on with her?” he asked. “She’s in her QTπ mode but yet she’s talking about…” Rex made a circle with his thumb and his index finger, and inserted his other index finger inside the circle. “...It’s so weird! Why is she in her QTπ form?! If she were in her α form I think it wouldn’t look _as_ compromising, but now she’s going to make us both look like wankers!”

Pyra sighed. “Poppi activated QTπ mode when I told her that only adults can be told how babies were made. I don’t know how we’re going to get her to transform back. She already thinks this is for adults-only.”

“It _is_ for adults-only!”

“But she thinks she’s an adult!”

“Well, can you blame her?” asked Rex. “When she’s in QTπ mode, she’s very, uh…” Rex’s cheeks flared again. “Well, you know.”

Pyra put her hands on her hips, glaring at Rex. “ _Riiiight._ Well, let’s see if we can at least find Tora. This is sort of his fault.”

“Tora and the others went to the inn.”

“Then that’s where we’ll lead Poppi.”

Rex and Pyra made their way to Poppi, who was staring at the food on the table curiously.

“Hi Poppi,” said Rex, cautiously approaching her like a Driver might approach a nasty Gogol. “Say, can you revert to your α form? I think that would be dandy!”

Poppi QTπ shrugged. “Poppi not want to.”

Rex turned to Pyra. “Well, that’s the only idea I’ve got.”

“Poppi?” asked Pyra. “If you transform back to α mode, maybe we’ll be able to tell you that thing you were asking us about earlier!”

“Really?!” Poppi asked excitedly. She clasped her hands together. “Poppi is overjoyed to hear that! But Rex-Rex and Pyra must tell Poppi what sex is _first_. Poppi knows negotiation tactics!”

“How does she know that?!” asked Rex to Pyra, who only shrugged.

“You’re the leader!” said Pyra. “This is on you to fix, Rex!”

Rex considered possible scenarios for a moment. “Poppi, let’s find Tora. He can tell you more about this.”

Poppi’s face lit up brightly. She closed her eyes and put her fingers on her temples. “Okay! Tracking Tora with navigation sensors…” She pointed in the direction of the inn. “Masterpon is that way!”

“Let’s go to him, Poppi! I reckon he can help!”

Nodding, Poppi ran towards the inn.

Pyra looked to Rex. “We should probably follow her to make sure she doesn’t cause _too_ much trouble.”

“Yeah,” Rex said sullenly.

Rex and Pyra followed behind Poppi quickly.

* * *

All the men were in the same inn room. Gramps, Dromarch, Zeke, and Tora, all sat on beds in the room, all terrified of being in the same vicinity of Poppi again.

“That was horrible,” Tora said, shivering. He was lying in a bed, eyes wide. “Poppi too young for talk of such things!”

“Agreed,” said Dromarch. “I only learned of sexual matters as an adult. Poppi is still young in mind and has much yet to learn. I don’t wish for her childlike innocence to be shattered so soon.”

“You’re a Blade,” Zeke said. Turters the Turtle sat next to him in the bed, splayed out and asleep. “Weren’t you born as an adult?”

“Definitely,” Dromarch replied. “But I’m certainly not going to be the one to tell her. Besides, I don’t even know how human reproduction works. I’m a tiger-shaped Blade, not a human one.”

“Hmph. That sounds like an excuse, and I would know.”

Dromarch scoffed. “I suppose you’ll tell her, then?”

Zeke shook his head. “If anything, the responsibility falls on Tora. She’s his Blade, and so he’s basically her parent, as far as things like that go.”

Gramps nodded. “I agree. This is Tora’s responsibility. Besides, I’m much too cute and fluffy to talk about something so adult regardless.”

“You chugged a full glass of whiskey less than ten minutes ago!”

“Sure,” Gramps said, “but I consider myself a larva when it’s a convenient excuse!”

Zeke groaned loudly.

“Um…” Tora fidgeted. “Tora have teensy-weensy question.”

“What is it, Tora?” Gramps asked.

“How _are_ babies made?”

Gramps, Tora, and Dromarch all turned to gawk at Tora.

“Oh no,” Zeke said. “You too?”

Tora slowly nodded. “Grampypon Soosoo and Dadapon Tatazo said they tell Tora when he older. But before Tora got old enough, Grampypon and Dadapon kidnapped.” He looked down, suddenly very sullen.

“I’m sorry, Tora,” said Zeke. He put a reassuring hand on Tora. “We’ll figure out how to teach you and Poppi about the disgusting miracle of birth.”

Looking up at Zeke, Tora smiled hopefully. “Does that mean Zeke teach Tora how babies are made?”

Zeke shook his head. “Not a chance. But I think I know someone who can.”

It was then that Poppi QTπ burst through the door and beelined towards Tora. “Masterpon!” she said cheerfully, grabbing Tora and lifting him up. “Poppi want to know how babies are made~!”

“Poppi!” Rex and Pyra cried, crashing into the room and tumbling over one another.

“Haven’t you three heard of knocking?” asked Zeke. “What if we’d been naked?!”

“Sorry,” said Rex. “Just wanted to make sure she didn’t cause any more damage than necessary.”

“I think she’s fine,” Zeke said, pointing to Poppi, who was now squishing Tora into her breasts. Tora was drooling.

“You know, I’m really starting to think it’s a good idea to teach Poppi about this stuff as soon as possible,” said Zeke quickly.

Pyra, Dromarch, Gramps, and Rex all nodded fervently.

* * *

“Girls?” asked Zeke, rapping his knuckle against the locked inn door. “Please open up.”

“Is Poppi with you?” asked Nia’s voice from beyond the door. “I don’t want to talk to her about anything inappropriate.”

“Poppi α isn’t here,” said Rex.

“Good,” said Nia’s voice. She unlocked the door latch and opened the door just enough for one of her eyes to peer through. “Now, what did you want to talk to…” She trailed off. “Wait a minute.” Her eyes locked onto Poppi QTπ. “You son of a-”

“Wait!” said Pyra. She squeezed the heel of her foot in-between the door and the door frame, preventing it from being shut. “We just want to talk.”

“Yeah, I know!” said Nia. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? You want to pawn Poppi’s little question off onto us! Well, I’m not doing it and I really doubt the others want to do it. So go away.”

“That’s not why we’re here,” Rex said quickly. “Well, it sorta is but also isn’t. Look, can I just explain?”

Nia opened the door a tad and narrowed her eyes. “Go on.”

“Remember that Core Crystal we were trying to buy earlier?” Rex asked. “The one that costs five-hundred thousand gold?”

“Of course I do,” said Nia. “That’s why we’re in this mess to begin with.”

Rex nodded. “We can. I resonated with it earlier, and I think I have an idea as to how we can use it to fix our issue. I just want to make sure the girls think it's a good idea, is all."

“Your idea to teach Poppi about sex is to make a Blade do it?” Nia asked. “Are you out of your mind? What kind of Blade would willingly do something so asinine and embarrassing?”

* * *

“You wish to pay us to do _what_ to those creatures and that lovely maiden?” Sheba asked.

Poppi QTπ, Tora, Dromarch, and Rex sat down on the grassy plains in front of Sheba. Sheba floated in her bathtub and wore a befuddled expression on her face.

“Teach us sex!” said Poppi QTπ. “Poppi need to learn how to make babies!”

Sheba tilted her head, looking at Rex, Dromarch, and Tora carefully. When her eyes reached Poppi QTπ, her eyes narrowed, but after but a moment she nodded sagely.

“Yes,” Sheba said. “We shall permit the maid entrance to our entourage. The men, however, are unwelcome.”

“N-no, um,” Rex sputtered. “Poppi didn’t word that right. We want you to teach us _about_ sex and reproduction. Poppi hasn’t stopped asking us how babies are made, and we thought you’d be a good teacher.”

Sheba leaned in her bathtub, floating over to Rex. “Are you intending to say that we have birthed many children?”

“What?!” Rex cried. He frantically, shook his heads. “No, _no_! I just meant that I’d pay you to teach us! That’s all it is!”

“Hm…” Sheba put her hand on her cheek and tilted her head down. “And you said you would give us two-hundred thousand gold to teach you sexual education - is that right?”

“What?!” Rex asked. “No, I offered one-hundred thousand! We need _some_ money left over for supplies!”

“Hm…” Sheba looked at her perfectly manicured fingernails. “What a shame. I seem to have lost interest. Oh well. I’m sure you can find another teacher.”

Rex gave an exasperated sigh. “Fine. I’ll pay two hundred thousand.” He handed the money to Sheba, who looked at it with glee as she put it inside her bathtub. “But this’d better be damned worth it.”

Sheba nodded. “For a price this hefty, we will inform you of everything - even how sex with _men_ works!”

“You wouldn’t have done that normally?!”

* * *

After the lesson was over, Poppi (still in her QTπ form), Rex, Dromarch, and Tora walked down to the inn gloomily.

“In all my years alive in Alrest,” said Gramps, “I have _never_ heard anything as terrifying as that.”

Tora nodded. “Tora want to die before hearing another lesson on menstruation.”

“I never even thought Blades could even do _that_ with a Core Crystal,” Rex said sullenly. “I think I’ll need a few days before I can talk to Pyra or Mythra again.”

Poppi said nothing and hugged herself, walking briskly towards the inn.

Pyra saw Poppi and waved. “Well?” she asked. “Was it everything you wanted to know?”

Poppi stared at Pyra. She looked Pyra’s body up and down, frowning. She looked down at her own, frowning more. “Poppi not want to adult anymore,” she said quietly. “And Poppi want clothing with more coverage. Meh.”

Sheba floated in front of Pyra and stopped to look at the Aegis curiously.

“What did you say to Poppi and the others?” asked Pyra.

“Some questions are better off left a mystery,” said Sheba. She winked.

Pyra blinked. “What the _hell_ did you say to Poppi?!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to PTPiranha for commissioning this! I had a ton of fun writing it, and this is my first Xenoblade Chronicles series fanfiction. Odd, since I’m such a big fan of the games and they have such compelling worlds and lore.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a lovely day!


End file.
